Elevate your nose-picking to a classier, higher level

toothpicks.jpg

by Sayaad

Advantages Precision Picking, Very Discreet, Cheap Pickings
Disadvantages Could Be Dangerous If Not Careful

There are many uses for the mighty toothpick. You can use it to clean one’s teeth. You can use it to check if a cake is properly baked by sticking a toothpick in and out of the cake. If it comes out clean, then you know it is done. You can use toothpicks in arts and crafts to build miniatures. You can use a toothpick and a bit of glue to glue those hard to reach areas. Yes, toothpicks have an infinite amount of uses, but for now I am going to focus on my favourite and perhaps the most practical use of the toothpick – nose picking.

I am an avid nosepicker and I thoroughly enjoy doing it. I know this sounds very disgusting to a lot of people, but this is a very common activity that many people perform. Maybe they don’t do it in public, maybe they just do it in the privacy of their own homes, but I am certain that billions of people around the world pick their noses every day. I am actually picking my nose right now as I write this review.

There is nothing like the joy and feeling of relief and freedom that comes from dislodging a large booger that was once tightly clinging to your nasal passage. It makes one feel a sense of accomplishment at a job well done. You can look down at your finger and see the object that had caused you such annoyance and proudly flick it away. Unless of course it is a wet one, then you need to wipe it off on a tissue or towel. Or, you could always digest it, but I find that to be a tad disgusting. In instances such as that, I will call for my doggy and let him lick my finger clean.

The most common way that people pick their noses is the use of the naked finger. This can be very effective for it allows one a great deal of personal contact with the nasal passage. You can get a very good feel for the booger bits in the nose using the bare finger, but there are also some significant downsides.

For one, you can pass disease and bacteria from your finger to your nose if you have not washed your finger prior to its insertion into the nose. For two, if your fingernail is not properly clipped and trimmed, then you could scratch your nose and cause it to bleed. And for three, you can get your finger very messy, particularly if the nose is moist and wet. Then you need to clean the finger and if you do not have a tissue or towel readily available and are not willing to digest it nor have a doggy to digest it for you, then you need to wipe it off on something or carry it around with you until you can find a place to put it.

Another preferred method is to use a tissue to pick the nose. This is like using a condom for your finger. It affords protection for your digit and keeps it clean and prevents the passage of disease from your finger to your nasal passage. When you have completed your picking process, you simply dispose of the tissue in the nearest receptacle.

However, my favourite method of picking my nose is to use a toothpick. Not many people are aware of this method and may have reservations about it. Yet, I find that it is a very discreet and gentlemanly or gentlewomanly way to pick one’s nose. I believe that I look very dignified when I use a toothpick to pick my nose in public rather than my finger. People have even commented to me in restaurants that I look very distinctive and distinguished using a toothpick in this manner. They have often never seen someone use a toothpick up one’s nostrils before.

Now, it is very important that you are very careful when you pick your nose using a toothpick. A toothpick has a sharp and pointed end that could puncture a blood vessel in your nasal passage if you pick too vigorously or stab haphazardly at your nose. The best way to pick your nose with a toothpick is to closely adhere to the
following procedure:

1. Insert the tip of the toothpick into your mouth in order to wet it slightly. This gives the toothpick a bit of lubrication so it can glide inside the nose. Also, it will help the boogers and snot to stick to the toothpick itself, rather than just falling out of the nose and onto your face as you pick.

2. Carefully move the toothpick into your nasal passage, holding it between your thumb and forefinger.

3. Start at the front of the nasal passage and slowly work your way deeper using a slow, circling motion that touches the edges of the nasal wall.

4. If you encounter a tough little booger, scrape and do not poke at it. The scraping will cause it to slowly dislodge. Poking can cause damage to the nose, such as a broken blood vessel.

5. When the first nasal passage is clear, proceed to the second. When they are both clear, simply dispose of the toothpick.

If you follow these instructions you will have a clean, healthy and happy nose and look very nice and proper when you do your picking. Not only that, but you will find that the toothpick allows you to have more control in your picking. You can precisely target the boogers in your nose and quickly and smoothly remove them.

I have inserted many other things in my nose in the past – pencils, crayons, my little toe, pieces of tape, shoelaces and the tips of knives and the prong of a fork – but nothing has ever been quite as effective and easy to use as a toothpick. The fork, in particular, was a rather scary experience. I nearly poked out my eye as I tried to remove a rather troublesome booger that was deep in my right nostril. Also, some people may not like using their utensils that they use to eat to also use in cleaning their noses.

Another reason to choose toothpicks over other objects is that toothpicks are cheap and affor dable. And, if you are out at a restaurant and need to pick your nose, all you need to do is to ask your waiter for a toothpick and in a matter of moments you can be on your way to picking heaven!

So stop acting like a primitive savage who uses his finger to pick his nose. Elevate your nose picking to a classier, higher level and use a toothpick! Trust me, once you start using a toothpick you will never go back to your finger and wonder why you never thought of using a toothpick in the past.

(Although, I will still admit that I enjoy a good finger twist inside the nose every now and again!!!)

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